last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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