Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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