great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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