Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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