Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
