Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
