Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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