that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
