thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
