drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i drank out of a bidet.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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