She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
