I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
