I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just had sex on a roof
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize