apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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