I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
