can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
