I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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