So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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