Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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