Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
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I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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