I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
