areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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