He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
