I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
