You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
