38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
