The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
