After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
