So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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