I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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