If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
