Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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