Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
