why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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