So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
