When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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