he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
