Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
