I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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