I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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