My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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