wakey wakey hands off snakey
Small penises have feelings too.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
