You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
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Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize