well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
