Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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