We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize