i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
