I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
