I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The struggles of a small town man whore
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
