I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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