i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
