nut hugger
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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