Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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