oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
