ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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