"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
