He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
