That's intense
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
