here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
