This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
