Welp...herpes.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
