So drunk its hurt
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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