She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
