I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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