exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
