i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
