i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Randomize
